Let’s look at just a tiny portion of your lawyer world – a single case:

Elements you do not have control over

• The facts of a case
• Opposing counsel – who they are, what they do, the strategy they use, the communications they send, etc.
• The judge and their mood
• The judge’s ruling
• Your client’s actions – as much as you may advise them or shoot straight with them about what to do or not do, they are still going to make their own decisions
• Delays in the case due to a myriad of circumstances out of your control
• And more!

Elements you do have control over

• Your thoughts
• Your actions
• Your emotions
• Your legal strategy
• Your communication to opposing counsel
• Your arguments in court
• Your communication with your clients, the boundaries you set with them, and how emotional you allow them to make you feel
• How many hours you work on the case
• How well (or not) you take care of yourself while working (what you eat, drink, exercise, etc.)

What do all the things that you do have control over have in common? 

YOU.

All those elements are related to yourself. 

And this is just one single case. Expand and look at all the factors within your office setting that you do not have control over. Then zoom out even more and look at your whole life. 

The majority of it is out of your control.

This realization can be simultaneously freeing and frightening all at the same time.

Most of the time when your brain is in overdrive and you’re overthinking, analyzing situations, and living in the world of “what if….,” it is the brain’s attempt at controlling a situation. You have trained your brain to relieve anxiety through thinking more. 

But that’s like sitting in a rocking chair – it is giving you something to do, but you’re not going anywhere. There is nothing productive coming out of aimless worry.

In fact, it is expending a precious resource: mental energy. It is exhausting you.

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.”

John Lubbock

Trying to control everyone and everything is causing you stress, anxiety, and fear.

You have more control than you may believe at this moment.

It may take some work training your brain to think and react differently, but you can be more in control of your thoughts. 

Let’s say a senior partner who loves to micromanage (there’s that control piece, again) walks by your office after lunch and makes a snarky comment about you taking an actual lunch. 

You could go into reactive mode thinking:

“Oh great, now he/she thinks I’m not doing my job. But he/she doesn’t know I was only out for 20 minutes. And I had to because I didn’t pack my lunch because I was working late last night and didn’t go to the grocery store. Senior partner or associate so-and-so takes an hour lunch every day, and no one says anything! Ugh, if only they knew how much work I put in. What an asshole. All of this goes unnoticed and unappreciated. I guess I can never leave my desk during lunch, and if I don’t pack one, I’ll just have to not eat.” 

Maybe you even call a friend or spouse to vent about the exchange, which costs you even more time and energy!

You’re left feeling angry, resentful, worried, unappreciated, and in fear of how others are evaluating your every move. You spend mental energy waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get fired.

All from one comment that you can not control.

How easy is it to focus on work after that? Very difficult.

Then your calendar/agenda gets hijacked, you get behind on your work, and that leads to other problems!

You’re giving that one little comment a lot of power over you and letting it derail your entire day. 

“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.”

Victor Frankl

What do you have control over in that exchange?

How you react to the comment. That’s it. 

To the senior partner directly, you can choose to acknowledge, “Yes, I took time to eat and fuel my body so I can focus well on work this afternoon.” Or you can give no response to him/her at all.

When you focus on what you can control, you feel calm and empowered.

Internally, you can have a moment of frustration. “That’s annoying that he/she said that.”

But then release it. “If that’s how they want to spend their time – policing others – that’s their prerogative. I am going to focus on what matters: my cases and getting results. I am more productive when I take a break for lunch.” 

Do not allow it to derail your day. If this comment won’t matter in 5 years, do not give it 5 minutes of your time today.

See the power and calm you have in this new response?

Take this mantra with you: Control the controllables. 

This phrase is used a lot in sports and sports psychology.

Let’s take basketball as an example because March Madness is right around the corner.

What the basketball players cannot control:

The opposing team, the skill level of players on that team, time and location of the game, the referees, the color of uniforms they are wearing, injuries on their team and the other team, the calls the refs make during the game, what their own teammates do (score, miss baskets, make/miss passes, foul, etc.), if they are feeling under the weather that day, how much playing time they get, if the coach gets a technical foul, etc.

What they can control:

Themselves, their attitude, their reactions to all elements out of their control, their skills and trying their best, how much time and effort they have put into practice and the weight room… and that’s about it.

But the good news is they have a lot less to focus on and are able to hyper focus their attention on themselves and the execution of their skills. 

“We have absolutely no control over what happens to us in life but what we have paramount control over is how we respond to those events.”

Victor Frankl

Start to notice when you are focusing on things outside of your control. Notice the anxiety or stress that creeps in. Stop yourself and ask, “What is within my control here?”

Focus on those variables instead.

If you need help regaining control over your controllables, book a discovery call!